Common Myths
for Birth Parents
Whatever your circumstance, whatever direction
you are leaning, we are here for you.
Myth
Nobody can love a child as much as a biological parent.
Fact
While it is true that a biological parent holds tremendous love for their child, this love is not a matter of biology nor is it inherited. An adopted couple’s love for their child is the result of a lot of effort and desire to be a parent. Adoptive parents have true love and devotion to the child they adopt because they realize what a blessing it is to have this child in their lives.
“Our children can learn that…the concept of ‘family’ does not rest solely on biology. They can learn that love transcends many artificial boundaries frequently put into place by humans. They can learn that closing one door can open another door and another and another(…)”
Caroline Harding, adoptive mother (Adoption-Is Another Word for Love, 2000).
Myth
Fact
Although this statement about having a child can be true, and parenting can be very satisfying, a baby will not be able to show its love and support to you for some time. Babies are completely helpless and require their parents to do everything for them to ensure their survival. Everything. Parenting is a job that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the next 18 years of your life or longer. It is a commitment that you will need to be prepared for.
Myth
Parenting will be fun. I will get to play with my child and dress him or her up in cute clothes
Fact
Babies are very cute and it can be fun to dress them up, but when it is your own child, it is not always fun. You must consider the time and energy that you will need to give in order to meet the needs of your child. Your freedom and moments of privacy can be reduced to almost nothing after you give birth to your child and for many years thereafter.
Your child will go with you everywhere you go. They will awake in the middle of the night to be fed or changed. If they get a cold, there will be more doctor bills, time missed from work, and a loss of much-needed wages. This can be very challenging for any new mother.
As your child grows, they will need you in different ways to tend, nurture, and teach them. It will take a lot of patience and maturity to raise your child. It becomes a reality that this little child in front of you is someone whose future and welfare you are responsible for.
Myth
My family, friends, or boyfriend will always be there to help me out and pay for things.
Fact
You are the only person who can guarantee your child’s health and well-being. You cannot rely on other family or friends who say they will help you because they may not always be available when you need help. They are not in your shoes and, although they mean well by offering their help, they cannot make the key decisions for you.
Your family cannot guarantee they will be there for you at all times – when you need to run an errand, have to work, want to take a nap, or want to go out with your friends. They also cannot be responsible for paying for everything. Many women who have chosen parenting over adoption due to their family’s influence have stated that their family and boyfriend are no longer around and don’t help nearly as much as they promised.
If you have the family support that can help you with parenting, that is wonderful, but you cannot rely on it. You need to come up with a plan to raise your baby as if it will be just you, the baby, and nobody else.
Myth
If I choose to parent my child, I will not have to deal with the feeling of sadness, loss, and disappointment that I would if I choose adoption or abortion.
Fact
This may be true, but parenting will cause some of these emotions to one degree or another. A woman may feel that she has lost the opportunity to finish school, move to another state, play on the basketball team, or go out with her friends. It could even cause the loss of other relationships because you are now too busy or not as much fun anymore. Your friends or boyfriend may not want to be around you as much because you have too much responsibility. You may also feel sadness and disappointment because you cannot give your child everything you hoped for them to have.
Myth
Fact
Many unplanned pregnancies, especially among young people, lead to stress and emotions that make it hard for a couple to remain together. More than one million babies were born to unmarried women in the United States in 1998. Only one in six pregnancies conceived by unwed couples result in marriage before the baby is born (Options Magazine, 2003). Many women are left to face the unplanned pregnancy alone and it can be very scary.
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