Common Myths
for Birth Parents

Whatever your circumstance, whatever direction
you are leaning, we are here for you.

Myth

Nobody can love a child as much as a biological parent.

Fact

While it is true that a biological parent holds tremendous love for their child, this love is not a matter of biology nor is it inherited. An adopted couple’s love for their child is the result of a lot of effort and desire to be a parent. Adoptive parents have true love and devotion to the child they adopt because they realize what a blessing it is to have this child in their lives.

“Our children can learn that…the concept of ‘family’ does not rest solely on biology. They can learn that love transcends many artificial boundaries frequently put into place by humans. They can learn that closing one door can open another door and another and another(…)”
Caroline Harding, adoptive mother (Adoption-Is Another Word for Love, 2000).

Myth

Having a baby is a way to receive unconditional love. My baby will love me regardless of what I do and won’t judge me. It will add meaning and purpose to my life.

Fact

Although this statement about having a child can be true, and parenting can be very satisfying, a baby will not be able to show its love and support to you for some time. Babies are completely helpless and require their parents to do everything for them to ensure their survival. Everything. Parenting is a job that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the next 18 years of your life or longer. It is a commitment that you will need to be prepared for.

Myth

Parenting will be fun. I will get to play with my child and dress him or her up in cute clothes

Fact

Babies are very cute and it can be fun to dress them up, but when it is your own child, it is not always fun. You must consider the time and energy that you will need to give in order to meet the needs of your child. Your freedom and moments of privacy can be reduced to almost nothing after you give birth to your child and for many years thereafter.

Your child will go with you everywhere you go. They will awake in the middle of the night to be fed or changed. If they get a cold, there will be more doctor bills, time missed from work, and a loss of much-needed wages. This can be very challenging for any new mother.

As your child grows, they will need you in different ways to tend, nurture, and teach them. It will take a lot of patience and maturity to raise your child. It becomes a reality that this little child in front of you is someone whose future and welfare you are responsible for.

Myth

My family, friends, or boyfriend will always be there to help me out and pay for things.

Fact

You are the only person who can guarantee your child’s health and well-being. You cannot rely on other family or friends who say they will help you because they may not always be available when you need help. They are not in your shoes and, although they mean well by offering their help, they cannot make the key decisions for you.

Your family cannot guarantee they will be there for you at all times – when you need to run an errand, have to work, want to take a nap, or want to go out with your friends. They also cannot be responsible for paying for everything. Many women who have chosen parenting over adoption due to their family’s influence have stated that their family and boyfriend are no longer around and don’t help nearly as much as they promised.

If you have the family support that can help you with parenting, that is wonderful, but you cannot rely on it. You need to come up with a plan to raise your baby as if it will be just you, the baby, and nobody else.

Myth

If I choose to parent my child, I will not have to deal with the feeling of sadness, loss, and disappointment that I would if I choose adoption or abortion.

Fact

This may be true, but parenting will cause some of these emotions to one degree or another. A woman may feel that she has lost the opportunity to finish school, move to another state, play on the basketball team, or go out with her friends. It could even cause the loss of other relationships because you are now too busy or not as much fun anymore. Your friends or boyfriend may not want to be around you as much because you have too much responsibility. You may also feel sadness and disappointment because you cannot give your child everything you hoped for them to have.

Myth

It will save my relationship with my boyfriend and we can get married and have a family together and live happily ever after.

Fact

Many unplanned pregnancies, especially among young people, lead to stress and emotions that make it hard for a couple to remain together. More than one million babies were born to unmarried women in the United States in 1998. Only one in six pregnancies conceived by unwed couples result in marriage before the baby is born (Options Magazine, 2003). Many women are left to face the unplanned pregnancy alone and it can be very scary.

Our Waiting Families​

Thank You Note

I remember feeling helpless. I didn’t know how to get Medicaid; I didn’t know how to find the right family; I didn’t even know how the adoption process worked….I was intimidated by the situation and couldn’t accept the fact that this pregnancy was a blessing and not just a “situation”. So THANK YOU for not giving up on me and for having so much patience with me. Thank you for showing me the beauty of choosing adoption.

Birth Mom

Elizabeth is a compassionate and thoughtful human being. My husband and I were excited, yet had some anxieties about adoption. We didn’t know what to expect. We met Elizabeth who walked us through and always made sure we knew we were an important part of the whole adoption process. She answered every question and stood with us until our adoption was final. In the world of confusion and anxiety, she brought calm. Thank you Elizabeth. Now our family is complete!

Anonymous

Stephanie is doing this for the right reason. It's like this is her ministry.

Kassie

We highly recommend and love Elizabeth Berkowitz, our adoption attorney! She has been our adoption attorney for both our 2 boys and we had incredible experiences with her. She is highly professional, extremely genuine in her care, and works hard on both the behalf of the birth family as well as the adoptive parents. She treats us with high respect and becomes a part of oura adoption family by the end of the process. It is hard to find adoption attorneys/agencies with as high of caliber as her! You are not just a number, but a family to be taken care of through the process. She has made our adoption process that much easier for us in the midst of all the ups and downs of adoption.

Erin

Thank you for helping me and journey with all the legal necessities. Thank you for not only being my amazing lawyer, but also a friend. And most of all, thank you for helping us find the perfect family for our baby! I thank God for guiding us to you and for working everything out perfectly. We could NOT have done it without you! Thank you!

Birth Mom

How can I ever thank you for my child? You have given us a gift that feels miraculous. You truly do God’s work in the faxes, focus, phone calls and fedexes you deal with. I hope there is a special place in heaven for people like you. You make the world -and my world in particular- a wonderful, hopeful place.

Adoptive Family

You’ve given us a gift that just keeps giving! Our baby is almost 1 year old now! He is the best thing to ever happen to us and is filling our lives with joy! Thank you!

Adoptive Family

Thank you with all my heart! I am so grateful for all your time and energy spent on our case. You have given me the most incredible gift. You are forever in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you!

Adoptive Family

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