Societal expectations have a way of adding extra fear, guilt, and shame to taboo subjects. For a mother who is already experiencing mom-guilt, even before having given birth, the self-doubt can be suffocating.
Talking about adoption in a realistic, empathetic manner can offer insight that wouldn’t have been previously thought of in a society that seemingly alienates birth mothers to put their children up for adoption.
To end this taboo, I suggest a thought experiment. Abortion and adoption are seen as ludicrous, but fathers who abandon their children and aren’t a part of their lives come by the dozen. If gender roles were reversed, do you think adoption and birth control options would still be so hard to come by?
Birth mothers contemplating adoption need positivity, support, community. Hearing some reassuring words about positive adoption experiences for birth mothers can help to alleviate an anxiety-ridden mind.
Wholesome Quotes for Birth Mothers
Let these positive quotes serve as a way to offer advice, bring clarity, and lend a supportive hand in this challenging decision-making time. No matter what you decode, adoption can be a beautiful experience.
1. “In adoption, a child is not given up. A birth mother gives life, a child a family, unconditional love. She gives a part of her heart that will never feel whole. She gives another mother a part of her heart that was missing…you give a lot, just never give up.” – Terra Cooper
This quote recognizes the emotional grief experienced by birth mothers that may never go away. The pain involved stems from love, the most potent force on Earth. Giving another family and your baby a chance at receiving true love is an ego-less act.
2. “If you love someone unconditionally and with your whole heart, then you will do what is best for them, not you. I have never learned a harder lesson than giving my child up for adoption, and I probably never will.” – Sarah Sowel
Overcoming the emotions involved in making a difficult decision is harder than knowing in your heart what is right. If you don’t have the necessary means to give your child the best life – whether emotionally, financially, attentively, or otherwise – there are options. Putting the child first is responsible and critical for their development.
3. “If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.” – Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life.
When making decisions, the universe remains neutral. Your actions create a butterfly effect, so being cognizant of when to make the right one is helpful in taking on that responsibility. But, when it comes to less immediate consequences, the world will still operate, molding to evolve around your decisions – and everyone else.
4. “…for me, having been adopted was normal. Knowing I was adopted was as natural as having a belly button. It was just always there.” — Madeleine Melcher
Families don’t look like the nuclear family anymore. Normalizing adopted families would even help to end the stigma surrounding adoption. If it wasn’t so demonized by societal standards, more people might adopt fewer children would be without a family.
5. “Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It’s something quite magical.” — Nicole Kidman
Knowing your child will end up in a home with loving parents is comforting. Even if you don’t believe in destiny, try for a minute. Think about how everyone ends up exactly where they need in order to fulfill their purpose. That includes you as a birth mother, future parents, and adopted kids.
6. “Adoption isn’t a birth mother’s rejection, but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all that she can for her baby.” – Unknown
This sacrifice is grand and brave. In alchemy, there is a law that in order to gain something, something of equal or greater value must be lost. This concept applies here. Your child and their potential future parents will exchange an equal amount of love for the amount of grief experienced by the birth mother.
7. “Had I loved him any less – one ounce less – he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart.” – Unknown
Love makes the world go round. Softening your heart to do the hardest thing you may ever do is selflessness.
8. “I think adoption is a blessing all around when it is done right.” — Hugh Jackman
Adoption is an emotional experience for everyone involved. Going about it correctly, with the best of intentions, sets everyone involved up for success.
9. “I know (my birth mother) must have had a lot of love for me to want to give (me) what she felt was a better chance.” Faith Hill
Hearing the point of view from real stories of an adopted child can be eye-opening for birth mothers. If there is an understanding and communication that the birth mother’s intentions were right, the adopted child can have a more balanced emotional response to the situation. You are not doomed to be despised by your child.
10. “A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart.” -Skye Hardwick
The selflessness involved in adoption is enormous. Putting aside your feelings for your child’s wellbeing is its own love language.
The reality is, considering adoption has the chance to alter multiple lives. If it’s stigma, taboo, or the guilt that is the only thing keeping you from doing what you otherwise know is right, there are resources made to support you.
There are also support groups for birth mothers where you can make friends with people in similar situations.
The adoption screening process is thorough so that you can confidently know the care your child would receive is great. The love your child would get, no matter the source, is the most important thing of all.
If you’re pregnant and considering adoption, educate yourself on the process. Check out this resource on FAQs by birth mothers and take that leap of faith.