Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child After Adoption

Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child After Adoption

There is no right or wrong way for a biological parent to feel after making an adoption plan.

But regardless of how you feel, writing a letter benefits both the parent and their biological child.

Making an adoption plan is a wonderfully selfless act.  Many biological parents choose to write a letter to their child prior to giving birth telling their child about them and why they made an adoption plan.   

Why should a biological parent write a letter? How should it be structured? What should be included in the note? And what should be avoided?

We’ve answered all of your questions below.

Why You Should Write a Letter to Your Birth Child

Writing a letter for your biological child to one day read is comforting.  It gives the biological mother a chance to explain why she chose adoption.  It provides a sense of closure for the biological mother. For the child, it is an opportunity to learn about his mom and see just how much his mom loved him.  It is an opportunity for parents to reconnect with the children that they provided for a different family

The letter provides you with a unique opportunity to share your thoughts on a variety of topics.

You can dip deep and open up about things that your biological child should know. Perhaps you want to tell your child about your medical history or genetic factors that could impact their life. 

Most importantly, the letter gives you a chance to explain why you decided to make an adoption plan for your child.

The letter is an opportunity for you to clarify why adoption was the best solution for your child’s future. Explain to your child that he or she was placed in a different home because you care and wanted to provide them with a great life. 

What to Include in Your Letter 

It can be difficult to decide what goes into your child’s letter. How do you transcribe all of the thoughts and emotions you want to share with your child in one note?

First, decide how open you want to be. This is completely your choice. How much you share is personal, and every parent is unique. 

Next, make a list of the most important things you want your child to know. If you could have one conversation with your biological son or daughter, what would you tell them? 

Finally, turn your list into a letter. Take your time and pick your words carefully. If you feel comfortable, have a friend or family member read your letter and provide feedback.

Letters may be typed, although many parents choose to handwrite their notes. Seeing the unique scribbles of your penmanship adds a personal touch.

If you are stuck and unsure of how to construct your letter, feel free to ask me for advice. As an adoption attorney, I’ve helped birth mothers through this process to assist them in constructing a letter they feel great about. 

Positive Advice

Reading your letter should be a positive experience for your child.

They should find the letter comforting, informative, and helpful. Keep your tone positive throughout the letter. If you want, include a motivational quote to inspire your child.

Family History

There is no guarantee that kids for adoption end up in homes with similar backgrounds as their biological parents.

This is not a bad thing, but it means your child may have some unanswered questions that only you can answer.

Give your child the information they need to better understand their origins. If you feel comfortable, tell your child about their biological grandparents, how you met the child’s other parent, and any interesting family tidbits.

There is nothing wrong with giving your children the tools they need to embrace their roots.


Feel free to include a photo in your letter.

The photo can be just of you or include other family members the child may have never met. Make sure the photos are positive and make the child feel happy.

What to Avoid in Your Letter

There are a few things to avoid when putting together a personalized letter for your biological child. 

First things first, do not let any negativity seep into your writing.

The letter is a positive tool that is supposed to give the child clarity. Do not speak poorly about the adoption process or the child’s father or mother. Negative emotions can impact your child’s personal identity.

Second, keep the letter to-the-point. Stick to essential details. It’s easy to get carried away, which is why we recommend making a list of the most important points to include before drafting your letter.

Finally, don’t apologize for placing the child up for adoption. And don’t encourage your child to come and find you.

Use your letter to reinforce that adoption is a positive experience. Explain that your choices were made to guarantee your child a bright future full of opportunities, not because the child was unwanted.

Considering Adoption in Florida? We Can Help

Writing a letter benefits the parent and the child.

It is an opportunity for the parent to share their family history and answer questions the adoptive parents do not have answers to. Writing a letter is an essential part of the open adoption process that all parents should partake in.

Are you considering adoption for your child? If so, you have come to the right place.

Our team is devoted to helping mothers find the perfect family for their children. Adopting a child is a complex process, but we make it easier. We strive to ensure every child has the opportunity to find their forever family.

Learn more about our services for pregnant women and how we guarantee a safe adoption process.

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